Carter Page Says Sean Hannity Is The Edward R. Murrow Of His Wet Dreams


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the GOP’s special boy

Every story needs heroes, and apparently, in the diseased brain of the average Fox News viewer, Sean Hannity and Carter Page are going to be those heroes. Hannity, of course, is the buttplug-shaped human who gives Donald Trump his nightly intelligence briefing on live TV, tickling the president’s sweet spots with fantasies of criminal Hillary Clinton and Russian witch hunts. He is probably a Russian intelligence asset of some sort, and we doubt he’s aware of it. Carter Page is a former Trump campaign foreign policy adviser, and also the dumbest little Russian intelligence asset ever, everybody says so, even the first Russian spies who recruited him way back in 2013. For some still unexplained reason, the GOP is willing to die on a cross to protect Page, a guy who has been the subject of multiple valid FISA warrants, due to how he’s always hanging out with Russian spies and doing what they say.

On Monday night, while much of America was watching the premiere of “The Voice,” these two characters in the great Trump-Russia story of international espionage AND ALSO ROMANCE came together at last.

OK fine, they didn’t come together, Carter Page came first:

PAGE: Sean … I have to thank you, because you have been the Edward R. Murrow of this whole process, you know!

HANNITY: The media’s gonna LOVE that comment!

Good night and good fucking lord.

SAY IT AGAIN! SAY SEAN HANNITY IS A REAL JOURNALIST LIKE EDWARD R. MURROW!

PAGE: Your team, you know, they used to call it the Murrow boys, you know your team with Gregg and Sarah and everyone, to dig through and get to the bottom of things …

Yeah, OK. Gregg Jarrett and Sara Carter are the Murrow boys. You betcha. The same Gregg Jarrett who has declared the FBI to be the LITERAL KGB, because these two FBI agents were fucking and sent each other a bunch of text messages about how the 2016 election was a total shitshow, a sentiment shared by no fewer than one billion Americans. That guy is definitely a “Murrow boy.”

Sean Hannity, wearing his best Edward R. Murrow panties, spent the interview getting to the bottom of the DODGY DOSSIER, and allowing Carter Page to prove once and for all that nothing British spy Chris Steele uncovered about him is true:

HANNITY: What factual inaccuracies stand out the most against you?

PAGE: Just the complete ridiculousness of it all, Sean!

What’s so wrong with the Steele Dossier’s allegations? Oh, just ALL OF THEM KATIE!

The rest of the interview was about how Democratic Rep. Adam Schiff is a big liar and the Democratic memo is dumb, and Carter Page is so mad about that he’s going to sue the Huffington Post.

This weekend, Devin Nunes, GOP chair of the House Intelligence Committee, birthed a live conspiracy theory on “Fox & Friends,” saying that actually the Democrats set Carter Page up to be a Russian spy back in 2013, and then somehow forced the Trump campaign to hire Carter Page, in order to allow the Democrats and their law enforcement arm, the FBI, to spy on the Russian spy inside the Trump campaign. It is a very weird conspiracy theory, and not only because the Dems would have had to have Miss Cleo on speed dial in order to know Trump would be the GOP nominee in 2016.

We only bring that up to note that it’s interesting that one day later, Carter Page was delivering his beautiful face unto Sean Hannity during the nightly Two Minutes Hate. It’s like they’re all in sync over there at the state-run Fox News TV or something!

Good night and good luck, Carter Page. If Mr. Mueller comes a-knockin’, um … well, you’re fucked. Have fun going on Fox News until then, though!

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